A Closer Look at Premarital Counseling
One of our favorite questions to ask our soon-to-be weds is, “What inspired you to pursue premarital counseling?” Some couples were encouraged by a friend, relative, or clergyperson. Some are terrified of ending up like their parents. Some are just really big Mandy Moore and John Krasinski fans. Regardless, it seems like most people have little to no idea what premarital counseling actually is.
What is premarital counseling?
While the answer to that question can differ based on your religious affiliations, in general, premarital counselors provide a safe space for couples to consider what life will look like once the honeymoon phase begins to wane. You can expect to discuss your communication styles, conflict resolution skills, friends and family relationships, finances, chore and labor distribution, sex and affection, leisure and recreation, parenting aspirations, spiritual alignment, and other topics that tend to cause friction when partners aren’t on the same page.
Couples can pursue premarital counseling at any point in their courtship, but it most commonly begins post-engagement and several months out from a scheduled wedding date. That said, couples have requested our services while they’re still looking at engagement rings, a week out from the wedding, and even weeks after the ceremony.
Premarital counseling also provides the perfect opportunity to address those questions you’ve either been struggling to articulate or are too nervous to ask. Most couples are surprised to find how much easier it is to broach spicy subjects with an unbiased third party present. To give you a better sense of what it looks like when a Closer Look Counselor serves as that third party, we’ve written our own premarital counseling vows for you to hold us to.
We promise to help you envision your “big day” and beyond.
If there’s one thing premarital counseling has made clear to us, it’s that no two weddings are alike. Some couples aspire to plan the social event of the season, while others are perfectly content with a courthouse elopement. We make sure to set aside some time to examine wedding-day decisions in order to understand how you might tackle other big and small life events together in the future. We also help couples clarify what’s truly important when their wedding day rolls around and how they can protect those “must-haves” from external influences (looking at you, future in-laws).
We promise to provide you with practical tools you can use till death do you part.
Arguably, the biggest benefit of premarital counseling is the tools and instructions we’ll give you to help repair any current or future damage to your Sound Relationship House. (Spoiler Alert: We’ll be pulling a lot from the Gottmans, as well as the Prepare/Enrich curriculum, Emotionally Focused Therapy, and several other empirically proven couples counseling methods.) From financial considerations to lapses in libido and everything in between, you’ll be prepared for the occasionally turbulent waters of long-term companionship.
We promise to create a safe environment for ALL the emotions.
In the interest of preparing you for the trials and tribulations of marriage, we will explore topics and past conflicts that may stir up some of the less popular feelings on the Wheel of Emotions. But rest assured, as licensed clinicians, we are trained to keep things from getting out of hand. Like a skilled masseur/masseuse, we will listen to your cues and refrain from applying any pressure that could be harmful to you or your relationship. Things might get tense, but you’ll be overcome with relief once we work out those metaphorical knots.
We promise to have some fun throughout the process.
This felt like a necessary reassurance to provide after our last promise. While yes, things can get a little heavy during premarital counseling, it’s generally much lighter than the other presenting concerns we deal with on a daily basis. That’s why we try to lean into the lightness and create an enjoyable experience for everyone (including ourselves). After all, you’re doing this in the name of love! As Jackie DeShannon famously crooned, that’s just what our world could use a little more of.
We promise to continue to be there if/when you need us.
We view premarital counseling as an introduction to both the future of married life and how meeting with a professionally trained therapist can help you navigate the complexities of long-term commitment. It’s similar to having a general practitioner you rely on for annual checkups or when a concerning symptom flares up. Save yourself the time and money of getting someone else up to speed, and simply shoot us an email, schedule a time on the calendar, and jump right in to strengthening your relationship.
Will you take (one of) us to be your premarital counselor?
If the vows above sound good to you, contact us and say “I do.” Or, if you’d like to hear more about the process directly from the mouth of a Closer Look Counselor, send us an email at info@closerlookcounseling.com to request a free 15-minute consultation. We would be happy to clear up any lingering questions and find a time that works for the initial session.